Let Me Help

That is a phrase I have heard after every single one of my babies. I am able to give a weak smile and say, "We're managing." But here's the ugly truth: we're not. I only say we are because I don't wish to burden these well-meaning individuals with any guilt. They won't be able to help. They can't.

They can't be here at 7:00 in the morning when Rylin and Evan get up and I'm too exhausted to feed them breakfast. Sometimes they stay in their diapers and pajamas until around noon when I can finally lift my weary body off the bed. Yep. They watch TV all morning with nothing to eat or drink until I can get up.

They can't be here from 3:00-7:00 in the morning to continuously feed Josie for four hours straight.

They can't fork over the $300 it will take to fix Josie's lip-tie.

They can't be here every day to hold the baby long enough for me to take a shower.

They can't fix my broken dryer.

They can't provide Todd with business.

They can't heal my sore and bruised breasts.

They can't get rid of our unwanted insect tenants.

They can't provide us with a second vehicle just to get to Doctor appointments.

They can't take Rylin to and from preschool.

They can't make Josie gain weight.

They can't help me deal with sleep deprivation and the resulting postpartum depression.

They can't stop Evan from playing in the toilet and Rylin from arguing with me about Every. Single. Thing.

They can't spend 12 hours a day feeding a baby.

They can't do any of these things, so I don't even bother asking. It hurts too much when they laugh and think I'm joking.

You know how you get when your tired and/or hungry? That's me all of the time. I'm a monster. I'm not nice to anybody.

It's time for dinner right now and I don't have the energy to think about let alone prepare something to eat. They had string cheese and fruit snacks for lunch. I finally ate something when 2 out of the 3 of them were asleep. That was 6 hours ago.

Let me help?

I force myself to not burst into maniacal laughter when I get told this.

Don't offer unless you're really, REALLY willing to do what it takes to truly help and not just what you think will.

Here's what's unhelpful but all too common:

Unsolicited advice - If I didn't ask, I don't care. Really. I don't.

Comparisons - I don't need to hear how easy breastfeeding was for you, or how you have a maid, or how your baby is such a good sleeper, or how your husband waits on you 24/7. These make me want to punch you in the face.

Showing up at my door with no notice - I haven't showered. My hair possibly has small animals nesting in it. My teeth are fuzzy. I smell like sweat and sour milk. You're making me put on a shirt and maybe a bra. I hate you in this moment.

Telling me to "enjoy this time" or any other comment that reminds me I am somehow not doing this whole motherhood thing right.

Let me help.

I'd love to. Really I would.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Baby!

When you aren't working full-time any longer and your baby is overdue, you start to look for things to pass the time. I started reading the Harry Potter series again. I also wanted the house clean and enough laundry done so that I wouldn't worry about wanting to do them for a week.

The days dragged on.

I went to work the Friday and Saturday before I was induced mostly so I could have something to do. I also wanted the pity tips. Both reasons were satisfied. I'm going to miss serving while pregnant.

Todd's parents were in town for the weekend also, so we headed to his sister's house for dinner on Sunday night. I claimed a spot on the couch next to on top of the air conditioning vent while we, as a family, tried to come up with good names for a baby boy. I don't know why, but we really struggle with boy names. We were pretty set on our girl names, but were waiting to meet the baby like always.

Right after we found out we were pregnant, we started talking about middle names. Both Rylin and Evan have names from my side of the family, so I figured we could look at Todd's. Here is what was available from his four grandparents: Alva, Althea, Wilda, & Lee. Now, if YOU were about to give your child an identity, which of those names do you think you'd pick? Also, both Todd's Mom AND Dad have the middle name of Lee. It was a no-brainer for us. Boy or girl, the middle name would be Lee. Spelled just like that.

Side funny story, Todd's Grandpa (Lee) gets a little... concerned whenever he hears about a new pregnancy. He firmly believes that two children is the cap. Especially if you have one of each gender. Pretty much this is what we've heard from everybody from the get-go:

We were therefore a little hesitant to let him know about this pregnancy. I hoped that telling him about our middle name choice might soften the reception. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: We're going to have another baby!
Lee: Uh oh! Here we go.
Me: And boy or girl, the middle name will be Lee.
Lee: (pause) Well congratulations!!

It still makes me chuckle.

At any rate, it was fun sitting around with Todd's family even if no name ideas came from it. Then one of the things I hate most about being pregnant happened. It's always by some older gentleman that thinks he's being funny. Why?! What is it about those grandpas?!?!?! They look at me, look at my belly, and say, "Are you sure there's not two in there?" After I inwardly roll my eyes and try not to throat-punch them, I say, "Yup. Just one." Their inevitable response is, "Well, you're just so big!"

This is not an appropriate thing to say to anyone. Ever. Especially a 41-week pregnant lady that YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW!!!! (He was my sister-in-law's Father-in-law. No relation to me and I had only briefly met once before). I don't understand why they think this is OK. I've seen pictures of pregnant ladies in the '50s. They looked huge in those freakin' mumus!!

Don't even try to tell me otherwise.

My Grandmother thinks women should still wear these and doesn't like the current fashion trends, "Where you can see every bump and roll." She even offered to buy me a mumu and didn't understand when I told her they don't sell them anymore.

By the way, I was NOT huge and when I told this "kind" sir that I wasn't even as big as I was with my last baby, his astonished, "Oh, really?!" was enough to make me tell Todd it was time to go home.

Harrumph.

Monday was spent cleaning the house and getting things set for Sandy (Todd's Mom) to take care of the kids for the next two days. Just as we were about to walk out the door at 19:30, the impending thunderstorm finally hit. Within minutes the sidewalk was flooded! I can say that the baby's birth story starts out with, "It was a dark and stormy night..." Ha Ha.

We got to the hospital checked in, met the nurses and midwife, and got settled. They started me on cervidil at 21:45. They told me I could still eat, so Todd rushed to Macaroni Grill before they closed at ten for a late-night mushroom ravioli craving. We finally went to "sleep" a little after 23:00 and I knew I was in for a rough night.

I had no less than three things attached to me at all times: my IV, the baby heart-rate sensor, the contraction sensor, the blood pressure cuff, and the oxygen sensor. This made getting comfortable nigh impossible. I get really warm at night and the plastic mattress had me sweating. Thankfully they brought in a fan that made it bearable. To top it all off, I was also having contractions. They weren't really painful, more uncomfortable. I was having a lot of back labor though, so the muscles up and down my back seized up with every contraction. I was only able to doze off and on all night. By the time morning came, I felt like somebody had been punching me in the back for the last 12 hours. 

I had progressed from a 1+ to a 3 in dilation on my own overnight. That was progress, but not enough. I was in too much pain and knew how much was ahead of me. I also knew that my body was exhausted. I knew that I was going to need Pitocin, and I knew it was going to hurt. A lot. We decided to get an epidural after all. We were disappointed, but knew that healthy was the goal. A Mommy under tremendous stress puts the baby under stress too.

The epidural and Pitocin were started at 10:30. Going off of my previous labors, we figured the baby would arrive by noon. Nope. Lunch came and went. I decided to finish reading Harry Potter book 3.

The Pitocin had been pretty high, but the baby's heart-rate had dropped too much so they cut my dosage in half. At 14:00 I was barely at a 4.The midwife offered to break my water, and we agreed.

It had meconium in it.

Crap.

Literally.

It means the baby's first bowl movement has passed and doesn't normally happen until after they are born. This can mean many things, but it always means that the baby is now ingesting and possibly inhaling their own poop. It can (but doesn't always) lead to some pretty serious complications. For now it meant that the pediatrics team was going to take the baby as soon as it was born and might have to perform some heavy-duty suctioning to get it all out.

That's all I needed, more reasons to stress. It really made me want to get the baby here now.

So we waited some more.

Todd had this delivered (and I couldn't eat it yet!!) and all the nurses were jealous:

My awesome cousin surprised us with Jamba Juice (which I could eat!) later in the afternoon.

Around 17:00 the midwife said I was officially in "active" labor and I was at a 5.

More waiting.

Shift change happened at 19:00 and while I was waiting to meet the new (and now third) midwife, I started feeling a lot of pressure.

At 20:00 the midwife was still dealing with another birth (that mother better freaking hurry!!!) and I was feeling constant pressure (the baby's head was now engaged).

At 20:15 the midwife and nurse still hadn't returned so I told Todd to go find them and tell them I was ready to push.

I clicked the epidural button again and a few minutes later everyone was finally showing up in our room. I was in transition and was shaking.

At 20:29 after 24 hours and no more than four pushes, baby arrived!!! The chord was wrapped around the neck once (like I needed any more scares), but only delayed things for a moment while the midwife unlooped it. We were still waiting to find out the gender, and nobody was talking, so I yelled, "What is it?!?!" Todd said it was a boy initially, which I have to admit made me sad for just a half of a second. Then I was happy. Then the midwife said, "Nope, it's a girl!" I was so happy I started crying. Todd was able to "catch" her and cut the chord before she was taken to the warmer by pediatrics.

Her first Apgar score was 5. She had only let out a feeble whimper initially. Once she was on the warmer they started rubbing her down vigorously and had to suction out her nose and had a tube down her throat to suction out her stomach and esophagus. She finally started crying loudly and her second score was a 9.

8 pounds 2 ounces, 20 inches long

 They brought her back to me within a few minutes saying she was just fine.

 
She was so alert for being on that epidural for so long! I couldn't get over all her dark hair either. I secretly don't like bald babies and am always jealous of people with dark hair because their babies have it too! Rylin and Evan had some hair, but nothing close to this! I still can't get over it. :)

We stayed in the hospital for the next two days to get to know our little baby girl and recover. We kept going back and forth between naming her Josephine and Olivia. What did she look more like? Josephine is Todd's Great-Grandmother and it's safe to say that the genetics are strong.

From top left: Rylin, Evan, new baby, Todd, Josephine.

See what I mean?? It's all in the eyes.

Todd's Mom brought the other kids by and they got to meet their baby sister for the first time.

We were still torn on the name though. We liked the name Josie and we liked how Rylin was right that it was a girl and "her name is Olivia." At some point I suggested the idea of two middle names. I did a little bit of research and found out it wasn't as big a deal as I thought it might be. I was worried filling out government and school forms and such would be a hassle. We wouldn't do two middle names if we went with Olivia though. So that's where we were after one day. She was either Olivia Lee or Josephine Olivia Lee.

The second day in the hospital, Todd had to go to a training all day. I had to fill out the birth certificate form and we had been leaning towards Josie. I looked at the baby and it just felt right. Now she officially had a name.

Josephine Olivia Lee Allison

We love baby Josie with all of our hearts and are so glad she is part of our family!

Waiting...

My due date was yesterday. It came and went without anything more exciting happening than the thunderstorm we got.

I've had two appointments every week for the last month. One is with my midwife where they check to see if I have progressed any. I haven't. The other is up at the hospital where they do a non-stress test to measure the baby's heart-rate and activity over a 20 minuted time period. They do this because I am considered "advanced maternal age" and have a higher risk of stillbirth. We pass every time (which is good!!), but boring.

So we're just waiting around for this baby to get here. My induction is scheduled for next Monday night. I am still planning on an un-medicated birth, but obviously the possibility of needing pitocin could change that. The only reason they are inducing me at 41 weeks instead of waiting until 42 is again because of the higher risk of stillbirth. As it looks right now, I'm going to need the induction after all. That gives me an August baby.

Blah.

I hate August. It's one of the long months. It's the HOTTEST month. There are no holidays. It's a bunch of long, hot, boring days. As a kid it meant I had to go back to school.

I don't know. Maybe this baby is determined to give me a reason to like August.

I hate waiting.

I know, I know. I am very grateful for a healthy baby that is coming in 6 days at the most. I don't want to complain, but I am SOOOOOOOOO ready. I've never gone this long with any of the previous three and the heat makes everything worse. I only leave the house for appointments now. I'm so uncomfortable all of the time. Heartburn. Pressure. Constant, irregular contractions. Mentally and physically I am worn out. Having an end date set is helping, I just need to focus on that now.

At any rate, thanks for reading and next time I write it will be about the baby!

He Cooks: BBQ from the Russavages

The Russavages are my Mom and Step Dad. I've had quite a while to grow up in my teenage years with 'Russavage' bbq, though my Mom claims she had a lot to do with starting it. Whatever case, it's hard to beat Russavage Tri-tip and Pork Ribs. So I'll write them here for safe keeping.

- Butter on a bit over cooked

Pork Spare Rips:

Pork Rib needs to be cooked VERY different than Beef Rib. Beef is all about the slow, and locking in the flavor. Pork meat is already salty, and the ribs are very thin So Pork ribs are about speed.

Preheat to 350. Sear underside like Beef Ribs but for maybe 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes each side.

      Dry Rub:

Garlic Salt, Pepper, Onion Powder in abundance!

      Wet Rub:

Use a more flavorful sauce. My first attempt I used Dickey's Vinegar based sauce and it wasn't as flavorful. Still salt, pepper and onion powder, but doesn't have to be as much.

TriTip

Tritip, sliced raw garlic

Black Pepper, Garlic Salt, Onion Power

Pork Loin (dark red, not pink) or chicken thighs

- Apple cider vingear, 20 min marniade.
Balsamic Vinegar, Olive Oil, Chopped Fresh Rosemary, Chopper Fresh Basil, Salt and Pepper, Garlic (?) - Basting Sauce

He cooks: BASICS: Breading

I plan on adding a couple of breading ideas here as I experiment with them. There are quite a few ways.


From Rachel, in reference to her Southern deep fried chicken

2 Mixes

Mix

3 Eggs
1/2 cup milk
table spoon of melted butter


3 cups flour (Try Bread crumbs?)
seasons
    (Garlic Salt, Onion Powder, Pepper, Parmesan Cheese)
    ( Frank's Hot Sauce)

Directions:

Dip chicken into the first mix, then into the second, then place directly into hot pan.

He Cooks: BASICS: A collection of Marinades

We've had quite a bit of success with various marinades over the years, since they are pretty easy to do. We buy our chicken in bulk and it sometimes has to sit in the freezer for a while. So a handy thing to do is to separate the chicken into ziplock bags and premarinate in the freezer and then pull them out and throw them on the skillet or BBQ for a quick and tasty dinner. This is a place to quickly store Marinade recipes we like for reference later.

Chicken:

Balsalmic Chicken Marinade:

Ingredients:

Balsalmic Vingarette
Line Juice
Salt
Minced Garlic

Italian Chicken Marinade:

Ingredients: 

Olive Oil

Italian Parsley

Basil

Salt

Red Pepper

Teriayki Chicken Marinade:

Ingredients: 

Teriayki Marinade (NOT GLAZE)

Adventures in Customer Service

My tenure in Plaid (Disneyland Guest Relations) proffered many valuable life lessons. One of the biggest is that I know what exemplary customer service is, and what is not. In addition, I have learned that if you do not get what you pay for, SAY SOMETHING. Every single business that I have ever worked for or interacted with wants, at the very least, to ensure that the customer gets what they pay for. Most consumers never say anything (like my husband). I remember in school learning something about how only the top and bottom 5% ever give any feedback voluntarily. How is a company ever supposed to know how the other 90% feel? This is why I always say something, but especially when service (and/or goods) either exceed or fall short of my expectations.

Much to Todd's chagrin, this includes when fast-food items are left out of my order or are incorrect or are in any way unsatisfactory (cold, taste off, etc.). No establishment has been exempt yet. We are human, and people mess up. I get it. But when I don't get what I have paid for, I call back. They are always willing to make up for it. Sure I have to go back, but they always let me go at my convenience.

Let me say something else here. Just because your good or service is inadequate, this NEVER gives allowance to abuse the poor individual who is fielding your concern. Even when I have been treated so poorly I was reduced down to tears (that may be mostly because I am pregnant right now), I did not then take it out on the supervisor who was legitimately trying to help me. I even apologized for being upset and said I know it wasn't them and that it's not their fault. You can successfully voice your concern (even when you are upset) without making the receiver feel attacked.

I'm also NOT saying that you should accept abuse either. Ever. There is no excuse for an employee to do so and when it happens (because it does), ask to speak to a supervisor or a manager. You may need to go to corporate to get it resolved.

My story today involves our local McDonald's. This is not an abuse story (sorry if I built that up), but one of miscommunication and frustration. Here is the email I sent to corporate more than two weeks after the initial incident:

"We ordered two Happy Meals and did not receive the apple juices with either one of them. We noticed this once we got home, so we called the number on the receipt and spoke with a Nicole. She was very polite and offered to give us two complete new Happy Meals since we would have to drive all the way back to the restaurant. She asked for our names and told us we did not need to keep the receipt or show it when we went back. She said she would notify them of the situation and give them our names. Two days later when we did so, the supervisor on duty (Mayra? Mariah?) told us, "We don't do that anymore. I don't know why she told you that. Do you have the receipt?" We explained the situation to her which she didn't appear to believe, so she only offered to get our information and "send us something in the mail." It's now been over two weeks and we have yet to see anything. We are very frustrated and disappointed with this lack of communication between your staff and the runaround we've gotten. I've tried calling Nicole again (twice) and she has not answered the phone nor has she responded to the message I left. Unacceptable!"

They responded within 24 hours (props for that) with this:

"Hello Jena:

I want to thank you for taking the time to share your recent experience at the McDonald's in Murray, UT with me. Your feedback is very important to us as it allows us to better understand how we can improve our service to you.

I am sorry for the unsatisfactory experience during your recent visit. Please be assured that we want to provide you with an exceptional experience every time you visit us. From your email, it is clear we did not meet your expectations. Again, I am truly sorry we disappointed you.

I want you to know that I have already taken action on your feedback. After reading your email, I immediately shared the information you brought to our attention with the local franchise owner of the restaurant you visited. Additionally, customer feedback is reviewed with our regional McDonald's consultants as part of our ongoing commitment to improving our restaurants' operations.

Again, Jena, thank you for sharing your feedback. We appreciate your business and we hope to have the pleasure of serving you soon.

Karen 
McDonald's Customer Response Center"

I had to read through it twice just to make sure I hadn't missed something. They listened to my concern, apologized for what happened, and thanked me for the feedback. What the email does NOT say, is what they are going to do to rectify the situation (aside from notifying the appropriate parties that needed to know). I still had paid for something that I never got. What was being done about that? 

I called the corporate number so I wouldn't get another form letter, and the gal that answered repeated what the email stated. I asked here what was going to be done about the missing items, and she said, "Oh, well that's for the local owner handle." This still wasn't enough of an answer for me so I asked, "Are they going to contact me then or something?" She said, "Yes. That's what the email states." I grimaced and said, "No, the email says nothing about being contacted, but if that's what they're going to do then that's just fine."

A few hours later I got a call from somebody local asking about what happened. I explained the situation, including why I called corporate after already receiving a response email, and she said, "It sounds like this is just a miscommunication between the supervisors and their staff. I'm sure it must be frustrating though." I thought we were getting somewhere finally because I said all I really wanted was the apple juice, but things took another twist when she said, "Well, I already sent out some coupons because of the email complaint that I got just yesterday, and then I got another complaint about the same thing from the 1-800 number today. It takes an extra day or two to get things processed, they don't happen immediately, it takes some time." She then proceeded to inform me on the inner-workings of how the local franchises interact with the corporate office when it comes to handling complaints. She even ended with, "Does that make sense as to how things get processed?" I found myself again explaining why I called back today. She could only respond with, "Well, if somebody else contacts you, make sure you tell them that it's already been taken care of. That way they don't do something twice." She then asked to me to give them another chance as a patron and ended the call politely.

I sat there baffled for a minute. Another valuable tidbit I learned is that IF the customer wants to know about policy and procedure, they will ask. It usually comes in the form of, "Why did this happen?" or "Why is this taking so long?" It NEVER comes in the form of, "Hey, I just want the apple juice that I paid for."