That is a phrase I have heard after every single one of my babies. I am able to give a weak smile and say, "We're managing." But here's the ugly truth: we're not. I only say we are because I don't wish to burden these well-meaning individuals with any guilt. They won't be able to help. They can't.
They can't be here at 7:00 in the morning when Rylin and Evan get up and I'm too exhausted to feed them breakfast. Sometimes they stay in their diapers and pajamas until around noon when I can finally lift my weary body off the bed. Yep. They watch TV all morning with nothing to eat or drink until I can get up.
They can't be here from 3:00-7:00 in the morning to continuously feed Josie for four hours straight.
They can't fork over the $300 it will take to fix Josie's lip-tie.
They can't be here every day to hold the baby long enough for me to take a shower.
They can't fix my broken dryer.
They can't provide Todd with business.
They can't heal my sore and bruised breasts.
They can't get rid of our unwanted insect tenants.
They can't provide us with a second vehicle just to get to Doctor appointments.
They can't take Rylin to and from preschool.
They can't make Josie gain weight.
They can't help me deal with sleep deprivation and the resulting postpartum depression.
They can't stop Evan from playing in the toilet and Rylin from arguing with me about Every. Single. Thing.
They can't spend 12 hours a day feeding a baby.
They can't do any of these things, so I don't even bother asking. It hurts too much when they laugh and think I'm joking.
You know how you get when your tired and/or hungry? That's me all of the time. I'm a monster. I'm not nice to anybody.
It's time for dinner right now and I don't have the energy to think about let alone prepare something to eat. They had string cheese and fruit snacks for lunch. I finally ate something when 2 out of the 3 of them were asleep. That was 6 hours ago.
Let me help?
I force myself to not burst into maniacal laughter when I get told this.
Don't offer unless you're really, REALLY willing to do what it takes to truly help and not just what you think will.
Here's what's unhelpful but all too common:
Unsolicited advice - If I didn't ask, I don't care. Really. I don't.
Comparisons - I don't need to hear how easy breastfeeding was for you, or how you have a maid, or how your baby is such a good sleeper, or how your husband waits on you 24/7. These make me want to punch you in the face.
Showing up at my door with no notice - I haven't showered. My hair possibly has small animals nesting in it. My teeth are fuzzy. I smell like sweat and sour milk. You're making me put on a shirt and maybe a bra. I hate you in this moment.
Telling me to "enjoy this time" or any other comment that reminds me I am somehow not doing this whole motherhood thing right.
Let me help.
I'd love to. Really I would.
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