Not a Baby Anymore

It breaks and warms my heart to see my baby evolving into a toddler. At least when she's sleeping so angelically I can pretend she is still my baby...





- Posted from my iPhone

I am... OK

No baby news for me yet. Though every month that goes by I hear of another lucky cousin or friend.

At least I am starting to feel happy for them. Mostly. Sort of.

My Doctor is going to start fertility testing in two months if we haven't gotten pregnant by then. Funny that. The month I was due will be the month they begin looking in to why we are having such a hard time.


In other news, Todd might be getting an internship in another state this semester. This is good news, but we aren't sure how to proceed either way. He only has one semester left, and we just want to get. out. of. Idaho. So we don't know what to do... leave and then come back? Ew... Finish first then begin the hunt? It will be interesting to see how things pan out.


I am on day 5 of my fifth Master Cleanse. It has been my hardest so far and I don't know why. I want to eat EVERYTHING. Right now I am drooling for THIS. It will be on the menu for next week. Probably Monday. Yes. I have decided. Monkey, good thing you like avocados and garlic!


Our truck overheated while we were down in Utah last weekend. I have to take this Friday off just so we can be down there when a mechanic is available. Two things I want to know: how are we going to pay for this and why don't mechanics work on Saturdays???


I wrote a list of the things that I am not currently happy about. I also wrote an action plan on what I could do about each of those items. I like lists. It's what I do. I have started implementing some of my plan. It's two steps forward, and one step back.


We still can't pay rent next month, and I still don't know how things are going to work out. But they will. Somehow.


So, I am OK. For now. I need to just breathe and get through these next five days.

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

Bowtie Chicken Pasta Salad

I am sorry I don’t have a picture of this, we ate it too quickly! This is a wonderful light summer meal or side dish and is full of color (yellow, red, green, white, orange) and is a good combination of textures (soft and crunchy). This makes a LOT of salad, so either make it for a gathering or cut every amount in half.

1 bag bowtie pasta
1 can water chestnuts, drained
1 bag Craisins
1 bag frozen corn, uncooked
1 bag whole cashews
3-4 stalks washed and sliced celery
2 cans (10 oz.) chunk chicken, drained
2 cans mandarin oranges, drained
2-3 cups mayonnaise and more as needed

1. Cook and drain pasta, do not rinse! Set in LARGE mixing bowl (with lid preferably).

2. Add in all ingredients except oranges and chicken. Mix well, adding mayonnaise until everything is “sticky” and has a nice coating of mayo.

3. Add chicken, making sure the chunks get separated before mixing well. Add mayo as needed until coated. Put the lid on and shake to mix well.

4. Add the oranges and mix just until blended. They will break apart otherwise.

5. Chill overnight or for several hours before serving for best results. It is still good right away, but BEST once cold and the flavors meld.

6. You will NEED to add more mayo before serving as most of it will be absorbed while chilling. Again, add until everything is “sticky” and has a nice coating.

Enjoy! We loooooooove this salad and even those that don’t like the ingredients separately like them together. My friend didn’t like the hard cashews in the “fresh” batch, but once it had chilled they softened and she kept going back for more!


- Posted from my iPhone

"Farmers" Market

I love our local Farmers Markets, I really do. Hand-made crafts, goodies, local produce, honey lemonade, fresh asiago baguettes, etc.

What I DON'T love is observing some of the farmers selling produce with the same packaging and labels I see in the grocery store from California/Guam/Peru/Abu Dhabi and claiming it to be theirs. Oh, and they charge twice as much.

I am all for supporting my local farmers/ranchers/crafters but not if they are blatantly being dishonest and using extortion.

"Yes, we just picked these avocados from the tree in our backyard this morning." Then I turned it over in my hands and noticed the sticker from Mexico. It went back into the basket and we moved on.  

Thanks....For Nothin'

I was at the dollar store the other day getting various items including restocking my snack/candy stash at work. I also happened to be hungry so I got a single Butterfinger. The helpful cashier pointed out that I would get a "better" value by purchasing the larger snack pack. I politely smiled and told her, "No, thank-you." She looked down at the five other candy/snacks I was getting and said, "Well, you're getting all this sugar already..." and trailed off as she must have caught the incredulous look on my face.

Seriously?! Did she really just say that to me???

Again, I politely smiled and said, "No, thank-you. I am getting things to take back to work and have enough."

Sigh. I guess that's what I get for living in a college town.

I Want a Do-over of Today

I am not having a good day.


Todd was up all night reading next to me with his light on. At 5:00 in the morning I whimpered something about not having gotten any sleep and to please turn the light off. An hour later Rylin woke me up. Two hours later I had to say good-bye to wonderful friends that spent the weekend with us. I fed Rylin breakfast, bathed her, did the dishes, did more laundry, and put her down for a nap all on my own. I sat down to eat something myself four hours after being awake.


We were late to church and only made it to Sacrament Meeting. Rylin acted up the WHOLE time; would not sit still, would not be quiet. It's right during her afternoon nap time. Grumble. I haven't heard a whole talk since before she was born. I remember the speaker mentioning something about our struggles in life and to just "get over it." I wanted to scream. I Found out yesterday that I am still not pregnant. :(


I made a delicious dish the other night, that has all kinds of good things that Todd likes in it. He left half his bowl untouched, so I figured he got full and would finish it later. When we got home from church, he made a NEW bowl of the same stuff. I offered to let him combine the two, but he told me he left the other sitting out on purpose; that it had stuff in it he didn't like.

?????

He was eating that SAME stuff at that exact moment!!!! Okay....


Our home teachers (that we love) came over and one of them brought their young son. I don't mind if people do this, if they ask first. He didn't, but held the boy the entire time, so destruction was thankfully avoided. When they just set them loose in my house, without so much as batting an eye, or just watching their child destroy things, I want to ask them never to come again. I looked forward to this visit. We have needs that I hope can be met through them. The first thing they mentioned was that dinner was waiting for them at home so this needed to be a quick visit. Really? Gee, thanks. I certainly feel cared about and loved. They didn't even bother sitting down.


Right after they arrived, Todd knocked his bowl of stuff-he-didn't-like-but-was-eating-now over the side of the couch. My back was turned, but I knew that sound. It got on the wall, the floor, the speaker cord, and my yoga mat and band. I looked at him for confirmation, and all he gave me was a big, goofy, grin.

I wanted to strangle him. I have anger problems, and say things I shouldn't when I get mad. So I CHOSE not to say anything, but went silently over to start cleaning it up. He started eating it off the floor with his fork (his way of "helping"), and I asked him to stop. As I was scooping things up, he said IN FRONT OF THE HOME TEACHERS, "I don't appreciate that look you gave me." I had to bite my tongue as to not say anything more than what I did with, "I don't appreciate food being spilled everywhere." He retorted with, "It was an accident!" I could only reply, "Accidents still need to be cleaned up." This was all within four feet of our home teachers.


After they left, we had an argument. He said my look was belittling to him and that I had to be "dealt with" because I had "gotten out of control." THAT is why he chose to embarrass me by "dealing" with me in front of them. He was too angry to pull me aside and privately tell me that my look upset him.

Our argument escalated, he stormed off (as usual), and I called him a swearword. He came back to "deal" with me some more, and after a few minutes, I asked him to stop talking. He left to go read a book, and I started to write this blog.


We are not able to pay rent this month. I don't know how we will. Todd doesn't have a plan, and I am left to choose between buying groceries and paying rent.


I am NOT having a good day.

Not guilty does NOT mean innocent

…at least not in a court of law in the United States.

I have a problem with the legal system here. I haven’t been able to put my finger on it, but something I read today jolted me. “It’s better for 10 criminals to walk free than it is for 1 innocent person to be behind bars.” I don’t agree with this. I can’t. It sits wrong in my gut. I like the idea of “innocent until proven guilty,” but I don’t like the condition of “beyond a reasonable doubt.” What is reasonable? Is it a percentage?

I don’t think the burden of proof should always be on the shoulders of the prosecution. I believe that in cases where circumstantial evidence is sufficient enough, that the defense should have to prove that their client didn’t do the crime.

I am talking about the recent Casey Anthony trial. She was convicted and acquitted of the death of her two-year-old daughter. There are sadly only a few facts in this case:

• Caylee is dead, found with duct tape over her mouth, wrapped in her blanket, stuffed in a garbage bag and discarded near their home.
• The words “how to make chloroform” were found in the search engine of the computer at her home.
• Casey is a proven and convicted liar. She crafted elaborate lies to mislead everyone from investigators to her own parents.
• The made-up nanny that was watching and had kidnapped Caylee on June 16th
• Her employment at Universal Studios
• The phone call on July 15th where she spoke with Caylee
• Telling her co-workers at Universal that her child was missing 
• The many, many other lies that she could not be convicted of:
• Not knowing Caylee’s whereabouts
• Her father abusing her
• Caylee drowned in the swimming pool on June 16th and Casey’s father made it look like murder (really? really??? because murder is better than accidental drowning?!?!?) in order to protect Casey from getting in trouble
• Casey Anthony did not take the stand during the trial, leaving her claim as to how Caylee died unconfirmed.
• Her abnormal behavior during the very month her child was kidnapped/missing/dead:
• Showing NO sorrow or concern that her child was gone
• Continual partying
• Getting a tattoo in Italian stating, “Beautiful Life”
• Casey was the last person to see her daughter alive.
• Casey did not EVER report her daughter missing; the Grandmother did on July 15th.
• Casey’s car was abandoned for over a month and when found reeked of human decomposition.
• A hair proven to have the same familial DNA as Casey, had postmortem banding (meaning it came from a corpse), and was the color of her daughter’s hair was found in the trunk of Casey’s car.
• Traces of chloroform were found in the trunk of Casey’s car.

If the defense’s case is true, why would they not go the route of claiming her unfit for trial? Clearly someone with THAT much denial (they claimed she knew her child had drowned but was hiding from that fact) could be declared insane. How could anyone seriously live in an alternate reality like that (without being on drugs) and NOT be insane?!

Sure, lies cast doubt, and that is precisely what the defense did. But it is enough doubt to disregard evidence, even if it is circumstantial? The medical examiner was not able to determine cause of death, but couldn’t they determine that it WASN’T drowning? Wouldn’t there be traces of chlorine in the body? I understand that cause and motive are vital. I just don’t think everything else can be overlooked. The jury did the best they thought they could with what they were given. One claimed that she did not feel Casey was innocent, but that there was not enough evidence to prove that she WAS guilty.

                   

  

On the top, Casey pre-verdict during the trial: button-up shirts, hair in a bun, defiant, blank stare. Sorry there are so many (at least 11 different days), but it wasn’t hard to find SO many examples of her defiant pout. THAT is NOT the look of innocence. On the bottom, Casey post-trial and after verdict had been given. Notice the dramatic change in her apparel (the low-cut, clingy sweater), appearance, and demeanor from the stone-face of a demure librarian back to a carefree and selfish person. That is the face of someone getting away with murder, not a distraught mother. If she WERE innocent, she would STILL be devastated about losing her daughter. Don't believe me? Try having one and then losing one. Casey Anthony cried after the verdict was read and hugged her attorney. They only other times she cried during the trial where when people would talk about HER; never when Caylee was talked about. 

I have no doubt that Casey was involved in the death of her daughter, and that she got away with whatever she did because her attorneys used a web a lies to cast doubt. Her attorneys claimed that her erratic behavior regarding the death of her daughter, the cover-up, the lies, EVERYTHING was a coping mechanism as a direct result of the claimed abuse from her father. More lies about lies!!! Innocent people WANT to testify. Nobody makes accidents look like murder; what reason would her father have to do that? It’s the other way around. Justice was not served, it was deceived. Any attorney throwing out random and hard-to-believe reasons as to what DID happen just to cause doubt, is guilty of obscuring justice. "While we're happy for Casey, there are no winners in this case," Baez (one of Casey’s attorneys) said. Then he went across the street and drank champagne to celebrate his “non” win. 

So as my title states, Casey was not found guilty, but that does not mean she was innocent. I know that one day she will have to answer to a higher power than a court of law for what happened to this sweet baby girl.