So this morning and all its wonderfulness got even better with the knowledge that I am not pregnant. Still. Again. I would have been due on Christmas Eve! Not now.
One more month wasted. One more month of waiting.
It was hard not yelling at my well-meaning cousin on Sunday when I was admiring a newborn at the party we were at. I said, "Aww I miss Rylin being this little." She told me, "Just have another one!" If only it were that easy.
As I was in the middle of telling a friend my sad news today, she was excitedly trying to show me a picture of her positive pregnancy test.
Sigh.
Glum.
At least she isn't due in October.
Totally know how you feel. I still mentally cringe every time someone says they're due on August 8th. That was the due date of our first boy. Sending hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteI know how hard this is. Knowing that Shannon and I will never be able to have another child, my green little envy elf jumps up and down in a fit of rage every time one of my siblings gets pregnant (again). I have to remind myself that our little one is our marical child and we need to be greatful to have her and that I am still alive.
ReplyDeleteHey babe, I am so glad you commented on my blog so I could find your blog.
ReplyDeleteI must say I feel your pain. Brent and I have been trying for a while to have a second baby, however it just isn't the time. Watching Rebecca play with your daughter just made me grin and realize even more that my daughter needs a brother or sister.
The ups and downs of trying are getting the better of me. I actually emotionally couldn't visit Amber and son in the hospital.
My prayers go to you. Email me if you need to chat, our hubbys seem to have clicked.
lepatterson08 (at) gmail (dot) com.
Jena-I've never experienced a miscarriage, or loss of a child, I can't imagine what that is like. We tried for 2 years after we were married to get pregnant, finally I went to the Dr., after months of horrible, mood altering, meds, and not so fun tests, I was told I couldn't have children. Things just weren't hooked up right inside. I was angry, sad and depressed-more so than I had ever been before. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother, and now that wasn't going to happen, at least the way I wanted it to. We decided that we were going to move on with life, we weren't ready to adopt, and I was still angry. My story ends good, God gave us a miracle and we now have 5 beautiful, crazy kids. Knowing we have been given an amazing gift, I still wanted 1 more. Once again going through some meds that aren't nice, with no results, I have been told we are done and that it was a miracle we had kids to begin with, which I know. I got angry again. Sounds stupid, but when you get it in your head that you want a baby, it is a booger to get out. Finally I have accepted it and have moved on, just enjoying every second with my little ones now. I'm not saying you should move on, I just want you to know that there are those of us out there that understand your pain, frustration, cry with you, pray for you. It may not be the frustration and pain in the exact same way you are experiencing it, but I have felt it, I know the pain well. I'm sorry you are going through this hard time, really there isn't anything that anyone can do to fix it for you. It is a very personal journey having kids. I have always known you to be a wonderful, strong woman. It's okay to be angry, hurt, and felt like you are alone. Just sending my love to you, and letting you know you aren't alone, I and many others are here for you, anytime!
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