I Want a Do-over of Today

I am not having a good day.


Todd was up all night reading next to me with his light on. At 5:00 in the morning I whimpered something about not having gotten any sleep and to please turn the light off. An hour later Rylin woke me up. Two hours later I had to say good-bye to wonderful friends that spent the weekend with us. I fed Rylin breakfast, bathed her, did the dishes, did more laundry, and put her down for a nap all on my own. I sat down to eat something myself four hours after being awake.


We were late to church and only made it to Sacrament Meeting. Rylin acted up the WHOLE time; would not sit still, would not be quiet. It's right during her afternoon nap time. Grumble. I haven't heard a whole talk since before she was born. I remember the speaker mentioning something about our struggles in life and to just "get over it." I wanted to scream. I Found out yesterday that I am still not pregnant. :(


I made a delicious dish the other night, that has all kinds of good things that Todd likes in it. He left half his bowl untouched, so I figured he got full and would finish it later. When we got home from church, he made a NEW bowl of the same stuff. I offered to let him combine the two, but he told me he left the other sitting out on purpose; that it had stuff in it he didn't like.

?????

He was eating that SAME stuff at that exact moment!!!! Okay....


Our home teachers (that we love) came over and one of them brought their young son. I don't mind if people do this, if they ask first. He didn't, but held the boy the entire time, so destruction was thankfully avoided. When they just set them loose in my house, without so much as batting an eye, or just watching their child destroy things, I want to ask them never to come again. I looked forward to this visit. We have needs that I hope can be met through them. The first thing they mentioned was that dinner was waiting for them at home so this needed to be a quick visit. Really? Gee, thanks. I certainly feel cared about and loved. They didn't even bother sitting down.


Right after they arrived, Todd knocked his bowl of stuff-he-didn't-like-but-was-eating-now over the side of the couch. My back was turned, but I knew that sound. It got on the wall, the floor, the speaker cord, and my yoga mat and band. I looked at him for confirmation, and all he gave me was a big, goofy, grin.

I wanted to strangle him. I have anger problems, and say things I shouldn't when I get mad. So I CHOSE not to say anything, but went silently over to start cleaning it up. He started eating it off the floor with his fork (his way of "helping"), and I asked him to stop. As I was scooping things up, he said IN FRONT OF THE HOME TEACHERS, "I don't appreciate that look you gave me." I had to bite my tongue as to not say anything more than what I did with, "I don't appreciate food being spilled everywhere." He retorted with, "It was an accident!" I could only reply, "Accidents still need to be cleaned up." This was all within four feet of our home teachers.


After they left, we had an argument. He said my look was belittling to him and that I had to be "dealt with" because I had "gotten out of control." THAT is why he chose to embarrass me by "dealing" with me in front of them. He was too angry to pull me aside and privately tell me that my look upset him.

Our argument escalated, he stormed off (as usual), and I called him a swearword. He came back to "deal" with me some more, and after a few minutes, I asked him to stop talking. He left to go read a book, and I started to write this blog.


We are not able to pay rent this month. I don't know how we will. Todd doesn't have a plan, and I am left to choose between buying groceries and paying rent.


I am NOT having a good day.